A wallflower no more

It's been six years I left this piece of me. There are times I revisited this blog, re-read the old posts, but never to write anything. But today I feel like writing one. A short one.

I used to be a wallflower.
Just a mediocre girl. Nothing fancy, not a pretty one, never the brightest.
My stature is not helping too :p
Not so many people can notice me, my potential within that sits with me all my life.
Of course I can feel, it's myself.
But maybe I'm too shy, too scared, to afraid to show it.
Thus, I can feel how people look at me.
I can feel when I'm being taken for granted.
I can feel when I'm unwanted.
I can feel when I go unnoticed.
I can see within their eyes.

Only few can see within me.
Gave me opportunities to grow those potential.
Gave me a space to made mistakes and learn from them.
In order to make me a better self.
Things happened, thing changed, experiences gained.
I'm forever thankful to those who helped me grow.
Cuts and bruises, all that are parts of life.
I don't hold grudges, but maybe I never wanted to be affiliated ever again.

Fast forward,
today I felt like I'm not really a wallflower anymore.
Maybe I've bloomed to another kind.
Just enough at least for this time.
I'm a wallflower no more.

P/S: My intern supervisor used to call me "A small flower in a greenhouse". That's cute but with a deep meaning. Let it lives with me :D

Exactly

Right?

May the blessings be with you. :)

As I am writing this, Safiyyah has already fallen asleep beside me. There is not much pillow talk I could do as I arrived quite late and this room is filled with girls. She got a lot of sisters. Hehe. Well, tomorrow is the day. The day I will witness my best friend's solemnization. I am not sure what I really feel as per this moment. Yeah of course I am sad. Haha. But I am happy for these lovebirds too. Tapi sedih, tapi hepi. Biasalah aku memang mushy orangnya. Lek ahh Mar, kau bukan mak dia pun nak sedih melepaskan anak. But whatever it is, may their marriage will be filled with barakah and happiness. May everything goes well insyaAllah. I love you Safiyyah. And I am happy and lucky to know and closely befriended with you all these while. Thank you for everything akak garang yang gelak pelik2(ekceli adik).. Semoga awak happy jugaaa selamanya.. Heheh.. Selamat menjadi Puan Amir Ariff.

I swear there's a ton of our selfies but I like this one sebab dekat UKM semua pun perangai mcm apa je.. Now both of them dah melangkah ke alam baru.. Mwahlah nanti korang dah ada baby iols kahwin nohh :p hashtagjodohmanajodoh? *insertsillyface*

Eh. Apeni dah tua?

Hai. Nama saya Mardhiyah. Anak kepada cikgu Razak dan Allahyarhamah cikgu Zainab. Saya baru menginjak ke umur 24 tahun kelmarin. Jadi, selamat menua kepada saya. Saya mempunyai banyak cita2 kecil(eh ke besar?), di mana pada dasarnya, mungkin orang lain akan menganggap saya childish dan tidak bercita-cita tinggi. Akan tetapi, kadangkala cita-cita kecil inilah yang seringkali membuat hari-hari saya nampak indah dan saya tersenyum bahagia sekiranya tercapai. Maka, pada usia 24 tahun ini, ada 2 cita2 kecil yang saya ingin capai. Nope, bukan kahwin (hamboi ang, cliche ngat aihh). Ihiks.

Pertama. Saya ingin memiliki seekor kucing yang berbulu gebu serta manja. Walaupun belakangan ini saya sering mendapat alergi dari bulu kucing yang badan saya belum immune. Mungkin saya sedang obses dengan kucing kucing kepunyaan johanandhiscats. Sapa suruh comel ngat aihh? Jentik kang!

Kedua. Saya berimpian untuk memeluk seekor panda. Ya, panda. Tak dapat peluk, sentuh kepala dia jadilah. Hal ini adalah kerana panda mempunyai karakter yang sangat comel. Kuat makan, tidur serta clumsy serta sangat nakal. Aipp, karakter demikian hanya comel untuk panda sahaja. Ingatlah ianya tertakluk kepada panda dan binatang comel lain semata. Kalau kalian mempunyai karakter sedemikian dan beranggapan diri kalian comel sebegitu, berwaspadalah untuk dikecam sepanjang hayat. Semoga saya dan panda berjodoh suatu hari nanti.

#prayforkucingcomeldanpandagemok

Oh ya, di kesempatan ini, saya juga ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin kepada semua. Semoga Ramadhan yang bakal berlalu serta Hari Raya yang mendatang memberi seribu makna kepada anda semua.
Assalamualaikum.
:)

Maka, masih ada apa?

Ku lari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku,.
Ku lari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
Sepi..sepi dan sendiri aku benci
Aku ingin bingar aku mau di pasar..
Bosan aku dengan penat
Enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Ada malaikat menyulam jaring labah-labah belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tidak kau goyangkan saja locengnya biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari kehutan
Belok ke pantai..?

Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri


-Tentang Seseorang-
-Rangga & Cinta-
Dian Sastrowardoyo & Nicholas Saputra in Ada Apa Dengan Cinta (2002)

🌸

:')